Waylaid by Cancer

This is my first post of 2026 because I was fatigued by and finally diagnosed with cancer in late March. 

As some of you know, my employer Massage Envy Hickory (NC) was acquired by a private equity conglomerate in late February, and I will only work for a true, individual human franchisee.  I knew that I personally was out of places to work as a resident of the NC Piedmont, having been through this multiple times.  Another such acquisition was LaVida Massage Clemmons, where I’d been content, and knew was based in my home state of Michigan. 

After 11 years in the beautiful state of North Carolina, I set my sights on returning “home,” something I never anticipated when I left 28 years ago.  I accepted a job offer at the original LaVida Massage in Brighton, MI, owned by a former massage therapist.  She bought the rights to the LaVida name when the company sold 30 of its 47 locations to private equity operating as Hand & Stone in late 2024.  Sadly, more than half of the remaining 17 have closed.  I was very excited about my good fortune with this move and looked forward to starting my new job on April 22.

Smack in the middle of all this, I was diagnosed with tongue cancer on March 30.  Never a smoker, it’s known that some viruses can lead to oral cancer, but in my case that’s been inconclusive.  Cause uncertain, the journey began nonetheless, with the first biopsy in Winston-Salem, followed by a monumental effort to get proper health insurance and get an appointment with University of Michigan cancer center doctors as soon as possible after arriving in Michigan. 

In the meantime, I gave notice to employer and landlord, started dispossessing and packing, worked my final weeks in Hickory, and said my goodbyes to good friends and estranged siblings.  At the back of my mind was the question, “How will I get through this alone?”  because of the sibling estrangement and other overtaxed Michigan relatives. 

The pain of the tongue lesions and posterior tumor, all on the right side, began inhibiting my ability to manage food in my mouth and swallow, and my last real meal was pancakes on Easter Sunday.  I arrived in Michigan April 20, staying with friends until I found housing, which I intended to happen around May 1^st.  I would not be seen at U-M until May 7, and managing that near-constant pain myself was all-consuming, plus I was losing my ability to speak as the tumor grew, painfully distorting my tongue.  The cancer also disrupted neural pathways running from my tongue base and the floor of my mouth to my inner ear, and I randomly experienced shooting nerve pain in my ear, jaw, face, and head, all on the right side.

A consequence of not being able to eat is weight loss and malnutrition, and soon my daily caloric intake was so low that I did not have the energy to work a full massage shift.  At first I reduced my hours, but then as the tumor grew and the pain increased, I couldn’t work at all, only working three weeks at my new job before going on medical leave.  I lost 26 pounds and entered the hospital severely malnourished (which is typical for head & neck cancer patients).  I have more or less accepted that I may never reach my goal of 10,000 massages, and even that I may never massage again.  Why, you ask?

Because my tongue was reconstructed from a skin graft and blood vessels from my right forearm, which in turn was covered with a skin graft from my right thigh.  This surgery, on May 26, also involved cutting into my neck to remove a cancerous gland, and removing 39 lymph nodes from the right side of my neck for biopsy, one of which was cancerous.  In removing the nodes, the Accessory Nerve (Cranial Nerve XI) is displaced, which innervates the sternocleidomastoid and trapezius muscles.  Add to that the required elevation and my natural protective stance of my right arm, and within two weeks my right shoulder had collapsed, and rotated anteriorly.  The fascia is tight and screams at me often, the nerves electrocute like lightning strikes randomly, and I have lumps of edema throughout my face, neck, and shoulder.  As someone who consciously maintained good posture in part because it helped me be a healthier and better massage therapist, it’s hard to look in the mirror.  Obviously I believe in the power of bodywork, but it’s a long road ahead.

Finding rental housing has been challenging for several years now, and this time was no exception, especially given my fatigue for the task, as well as my undeniable, inevitable loss of income.  I was in a housing crisis, and thankfully my high school friend Patrick and his wife Ellen were willing to let me stay in a guest room for what became seven weeks, albeit 11 days in the hospital/rehab, until my sister Jennifer found me an apartment.  I moved in last Wednesday.

The absolute “best thing” about having cancer has been the reconciliation that has occurred among me and my sisters on either side of me in birth order, Jennifer and Marybeth, both residents of North Carolina.  Tremendous, divinely-accompanied healing has occurred in particular between me and Jen in the past few weeks.  Not only did I not expect this, I angrily resisted it, not wanting fucking cancer to be the thing that did what we could not do in the past six years.  It’s been a rich and nuanced experienced for which I’m at a loss for words right now.

Yet Jen and Marybeth cannot stay in Michigan to help me forever; their lives are in North Carolina.  So I’m asking for help from anyone who reads this and feels compelled, as I have zero income now and for the next four months at least, as I undergo radiation and likely chemotherapy.  My particular cancer is said to be “hard to treat” and has been staged variously at three and four throughout this process so far.  Typically I’ve had appointments with my doctors on Mondays and I try to keep everyone who’s interested updated.  I was so fatigued last year (by the cancer as yet unknown to me) plus the commute to Hickory, that I worked less than normal and consequently actually qualified for Medicaid this year.  So far, Medicaid has almost completely covered my medical bills, wound supplies, and liquid diet.  And my rent is being paid by my generous siblings.

However, I still have monthly expenses such as utilities, car insurance, gasoline, and toiletries, and no means to pay for it.  I tried to start a GoFundMe for myself but found the website navigation clunky, basically destroyed by AI.  I’m unwilling to submit to all that data harvesting.  If someone wants to do that for me, however, under your log-in, which you share with me, then we can share this story and photos there, and I will enter my bank info.  Otherwise you can donate to my expenses – in relatively modest sums or visa gift cards that won’t threaten my Medicaid eligibility – probably through various means, but I’ll wait and see if anyone wants to GoFundMe first, except to share that you can snail mail me at 30657 Jeffery Ct, Apt 102, New Hudson, MI, 48165.  I truly need and am deeply grateful for any support I receive.

Thank you for your prayers for healing and for envisioning the best for me on the long road ahead.  I look forward to being a cancer survivor versus a cancer patient.  I hope you all are well, enjoying summer, and EATING GOOD FOOD!